Discussion about this post

User's avatar
KSophia's avatar

The utensil drama did make me laugh and also had intense memory of my own miscarriage debacle. Thankfully just the once but that, combined with the ‘post event care experience’ and then the horror show of the birth of my daughter left me with no desire to have any more and suffer the risk. My miscarriage was a missed miscarriage which I feel is such a cruel one as you go around thinking you are pregnant and, when late enough, even telling people you are and then you discover nothing’s been happening for weeks. Mine started with spotting then intense bleeding but by the time I got to the EPU all the really hefty ‘matter’ had passed and they couldn’t see a problem as on the scan they could see a fetal sac. There was no heartbeat but they just thought the pregnancy was earlier than I thought it was (spoiler alert: it wasn’t). I went home, hopeful but then that night had horrendous worst ever types of pain but me thinking I must still be pregnant didn’t want to take more than one paracetamol. 2 night later I felt something shift and remarked to my husband that maybe that was an early flutter! How could it have been…

Then I needed the loo and that fetal sac came out. If it had been a fetal sac, my body held onto it for weeks and wove thick tissue around it, a pearl by another name I suppose.

It was a Sunday night and my husband said I may as well go back to work the next day as it was all over. He went to work on the Monday morning, away for the week. I went to work too. Didn’t last long. I was in the military and went to see the doc, devastated. He was impassive and signed me off sick for the rest of the week. No other support. When I left the military a few years later I got my medical records. The EPU had actually written to my med centre suggesting anti depressants for me. I had no idea. Shortly afterwards I was told I was to be deployed to a war zone. I did not have the kahunas to say I was not psychologically well enough, worried I would be seen as a flake. So did all the training and left. I was a mess crying on the phone to my husband and generally feeling appalling. Cruelly my body continued to suffer the effects and, whilst in theatre(war zone) for what would have been my baby’s birth date, my hair fell out in chunks.

The whole thing was over a decade ago but still upsetting right now. The grief and physical pain needs to be acknowledged and women giving appropriate time. The secrecy of early pregnancy because of miscarriage is wrong. It perpetuates stuffing away of emotions for both the pregnant woman and the partner. It nearly ruined my marriage but was actually the fault of culture both general culture and the culture within my own organisation.

I am so sorry to hear of your multiple miscarriages and every lost baby is a pinprick of light and hope in our lives ❤️❤️❤️

Expand full comment
4 more comments...

No posts