How to Raise Kids Who (Hopefully) Don’t Hate Each Other
The other day, I asked the Worn Out Working Mum community if they got on with their siblings growing up -and if they did, what magic their parents performed to make that happen.
Because I’ll be honest, watching my two together is one of my favourite things in the world. Sure, they occasionally argue over who gets the sparkly spoon or who can run faster to the car - but underneath it all, they’re thick as thieves. And I can’t help but wonder: what makes that last? What makes siblings grow up and still actually like each other when the world starts pulling them in different directions?
So, I asked: what did your parents do that made you like your siblings?
And, you had thoughts.
1. “We were on the same team, against Mum.”
One mum wrote:
“My mum was hilarious and dramatic and got angry over the stupidest things, so my sister and I bonded over it. It was basically us versus her emotional instability.”
Honestly? Fair.
Turns out, mutual trauma can make great friendship glue. Maybe the goal isn’t to be the perfect parent, but to give them enough shared material to unpack in therapy together later. Sibling trauma, but make it bonding.
2. “We had to share everything: bedrooms, baths, secrets.”
One woman said she and her brother shared a tiny room until they were teenagers.
“We were forced to negotiate space, noise, and who got the ‘good’ pillow. It taught us how to coexist.”
It’s funny because all modern parenting advice screams boundaries and personal space, but maybe we’ve gone too far.
Maybe character is forged through hearing your sibling breathe too loudly and learning not to commit homicide over it.
3. “Mum never compared us.”
This one came up a lot.
“Mum always said we were totally different people. She celebrated our differences instead of pitting us against each other.”
Which is lovely.
And also much easier when you don’t have two kids within 18 months of each other who both want the blue cup.
I love this idea that they are both be brilliant in different ways - it feels like something I want to bottle and spray liberally around the house.
4. “We were never told to be friends.”
This one made me pause.
“Mum didn’t force it. She said, ‘You don’t have to like each other, but you do have to be kind.’”
And that’s genius, isn’t it? It takes the pressure off.
I’ve been trying to manufacture sibling friendship: “Okay, now hold hands! Look happy! Say cheese! Don’t bite each other!”
But maybe the trick is to let them find their own rhythm? With a firm “no biting” policy, obviously.
5. “We laughed. A lot.”
“My parents had a wicked sense of humour. If we were fighting, they’d defuse it with laughter, never shame. We grew up laughing together, not just living together.”
Laughter is VERY easy to forget when you’re knee-deep in laundry, deadlines, and existential rage that someone hid your mascara in the Lego box.
But laughter softens everything. Even the sharp bits.
So, what do I take from all this?
That maybe sibling closeness isn’t about making everything fair.
It’s about shared experiences - even the messy ones.
It’s about you accidentally giving them a common enemy (hi, bedtime), giving them space to be different, and never forcing it to look like an advert for matching pyjamas.
One day, I hope my kids will be the kind of siblings who laugh about how I lost it over someone emptied an entire yoghurt pot in the car. Who team up to roll their eyes at me, to make fun of my social media, to remind each other that they were loved, even when life was loud.
So tell me - were you raised to love your siblings, tolerate them, or secretly plot their downfall?
Hit reply, I want the tea.
I love these! I grew basically an only-child, so I have no experience to share. I do remember the feeling of being compared though, and I hated it. There was another kid in our area who mam compared me to, and even recently she said something about them and I could feel the resentment bubbling up...just so you know, if you compare kids it never really leaves them.