All so true, and it is hard. I also found that for a long time I was the childless friend (I started later than a lot of my friends), and for a while I was lonely on that side of it too. My friends couldn't do the things we'd used to do - there were babies to consider now. And then I had my son, and finally felt excited I was going to be able to do the parent things with friends now. Except, that didn't work either, because they were in a different stage of parenthood. Their children were older, and didn't want to hang out with a baby. I'd also been the one to move 3 hours away, so actually lining up schedules for visits has been next to impossible for years. And if, by some miracle, we could get together, then of course we were chasing different aged children in opposite directions and never actually got to talk. Parenting is hard. And lonely. And amazing. And hard and lonely.
Gosh this resonated! Having a baby at 34 felt so young in London and coupled with then moving to a different city felt like an unanchoring. I also think for a lot of friends it must have been hard to understand where I’d gone both in terms of location but also into terms of navigating life as a Mum!
Thank you for writing this, for starting this conversation. There is no blame here, it is just — facts. Becoming a parent is supposed to change you, and this brings feelings of loneliness, which are amplified when you are actually lonely (and sleep deprived. And covered in baby spit. And your boobs hurt.). We all need to get more intentional navigating the ebbs and flows of a friendship.
All so true, and it is hard. I also found that for a long time I was the childless friend (I started later than a lot of my friends), and for a while I was lonely on that side of it too. My friends couldn't do the things we'd used to do - there were babies to consider now. And then I had my son, and finally felt excited I was going to be able to do the parent things with friends now. Except, that didn't work either, because they were in a different stage of parenthood. Their children were older, and didn't want to hang out with a baby. I'd also been the one to move 3 hours away, so actually lining up schedules for visits has been next to impossible for years. And if, by some miracle, we could get together, then of course we were chasing different aged children in opposite directions and never actually got to talk. Parenting is hard. And lonely. And amazing. And hard and lonely.
Gosh this resonated! Having a baby at 34 felt so young in London and coupled with then moving to a different city felt like an unanchoring. I also think for a lot of friends it must have been hard to understand where I’d gone both in terms of location but also into terms of navigating life as a Mum!
Thank you for writing this, for starting this conversation. There is no blame here, it is just — facts. Becoming a parent is supposed to change you, and this brings feelings of loneliness, which are amplified when you are actually lonely (and sleep deprived. And covered in baby spit. And your boobs hurt.). We all need to get more intentional navigating the ebbs and flows of a friendship.