Will They Find Me?

From Crying in the Loo to Posting My Face: A Ridiculous Journey of Finding My People

When I returned to work, it was a disaster. I felt unmotivated, under-confident, and slightly like I’d forgotten how to human. My old job had evaporated in a reorg, and every day felt like a fight not to cry in the loo. (Spoiler: I cried in the loo. A lot.) Around this time, I’d posted a TikTok of my son and husband in Italy. It was cute, funny, and somehow went “viral.” (And by “viral,” I mean it got slightly more views than usual and wasn’t entirely ignored by the internet. Baby steps.)

That tiny dopamine hit had me thinking: What if I started posting more? Social Media could be my secret corner of the internet where I overshare without consequence. No one would find me! Except, of course, they absolutely would.

One day, after losing my third piece of work to someone else, I hit my breaking point. I made a video (with my actual face in it) and something amazing happened: I found my people. Other mums who also felt like friendless zombies trying to juggle work, life, and sticky children. I gained a few followers and declared I’d post daily for a year. That was March 2024.

Here’s the thing, though: I cannot lie. I’m not one of those “here’s how I seamlessly returned to work and crushed it” types. Nope. I’m the person yelling, “It’s not seamless, it’s fucking insane!” I started posting about the mess - the mental load, the exhaustion, the way society gaslights working mums and people connected. But then the anxiety crept in.

What if work found me? What if my boss saw me ranting about an awful week? What if Karen from finance stumbled across my videos and assumed she was the Karen I was referring to? The fear of being “found out” made me second-guess every post. When someone said, “I saw your video,” it felt like a polite “Are you okay?” wrapped in judgement.

And yet, I kept posting. Why? Because work didn’t feel safe either. Redundancies were everywhere, and the future looked shakier than a toddler holding a glass. My little corner of the internet became my sanity lifeline.

When the call finally came and I lost my job, I definitely felt panic, shock, and some sort of freedom all at once. Suddenly, the internet was mine without the constant fear of discovery.

Here’s the truth: I’m not the kind of person you’d peg as someone who posts her face on the internet. I’ve never been “popular.” I wasn’t even “picked” in teams for PE. But somewhere along the way, I realised I had to stop caring what people thought.

We all give up so much of ourselves to motherhood, work, and caregiving. That’s not optional. But what is optional is letting other people’s opinions hold you back. If you want to write that cookbook, start. If you want to knit a jumper the size of Wales, grab the needles.

This isn’t me telling you to quit your job or make reckless decisions. Bills are real, mortgages are real, and kids eat a LOT. But I am telling you to believe in yourself. Find space, however small, to do the thing you’ve always wanted to do. The ones who love you will cheer you on. And the ones who don’t? Let them judge from the sidelines. They’re not paying your bills anyway.

Now, go. Do the thing.